Torn between three countries. I'm 28 and desperate. (2 Viewers)

[Messier 4]

Quick introduction: I've been lurking on this forum since 2022. Since 2016 I know how for many people, the location you happened to be born and grow up in can greatly affect your value as a guy, and going overseas can solve most of your love problems.

Ok. This is going to be a longish post that I feel I need to make right before I decide over something that will greatly impact my life, in a way that I may or may not regret it ten or more years from now. I will first give some background in a honest and vulnerable way.
I know some of you will find this post cringe, but I'm desperate and have nowhere else to be this open and exposed anonymously.

OK. I'm a 27M soon to be 28, and I sadly say that I lost my 20s till now, with anxiety, depression and despair being ever so present, preventing me from even starting college, making any friendships or getting a girl(I'm still a virgin). I've actually spent 99% of the time inside my house in all those years since high school. I feel great fear of hitting the big 30 two years from now, when adults will think I need to carry the weight of the world like they do and teenagers and young people up until the age of 25 will stop seen me as young.
I feel like the world TRIES to make you happy if you are <25. At that age range, the world gives itself to you for your happiness. Then when you hit 30+, you need to give everything you have to be happy.



Some may already be picturing an overweight neckbeard with autism(not really judging), but I went to a psychiatrist and the doctor found no neurological issue, although he obviously said I had depression. Nobody that saw me ever said I look past 19, and they get very surprised when I tell them my real age, making me feel even more empty inside for having lost all those years, like I was in a coma. I can go to a high school right now and blend in really easily. Both my parents always looked ten years younger than their actual age, so I got this from them.

With so much free time, I spent countless hours thinking about life, trying to figure out its meaning, and this was one reason why I never got the ship going. I felt I had to first find life's meaning in order to start living it, but the more I thought the more I got confused.
The semesters went by, and my doubts about life just kept adding up, while whatever touch on solid paths I had in high school just never happened again. Social media was another reason for this mess, as it made me feel guilty for not having what I saw on it.
I went from wanting to live a different and more exciting life in western europe, then east asia, then eastern europe, then back to western europe, then latin america, then east asia again... this is ridiculous, but I was always in a loop and always got back at previous left behind desires.





I lost my religious faith after going through some extreme depression phase in 2016, got back at it again after discovering Jordan Peterson, then became an atheist again, then a catholic phase and finally an agnostic. Yes, I'm a ridiculous flip flopper.

Now I don't know what to do. After countless hours thinking about what I should do with my stupid garbage life, I came to two choices: finally go to college and start my life in Russia or in China. Why? Because I figure those are the best places to find the girlfriend I never had and they offer college scholarships(sorry if I'm being blunt and non inspiring in my writing).
Why not do it in the US? Because I simply want to leave this place that is hopeless for me. I'll probably come back to the US and stay forever after college though, since I still want to be close to my family and spend time with them. My mother is close to being 60 and I fear not being there if she needs me when the old age issues start to appear.

So what should I do?

Russia is closer to my country in culture, it's easier to make friends in it and the women are prettier and I'm simply more used to liking white girls. I grew up desiring white girls. In fact, my first crush was with a girl whose face resembled Scarlett Johansson as a little girl(it was in middle school). They're the race of women that look by far the best when young, and getting one as a gf/wife gives the highest status compared to other groups of girls.

The issue though is that white women age the worst. After maybe about the age of 25, they start to look masculine, wrinkled or their faces start to drop, making them look about 7-10 years older than they are.

From this:









To this:









In a span of 8 to10 years.



I want an 18 yo girl, so the expiration date for her youth would be about 7 years until she looks past 25.
I'm very afraid of the passage of time, and wanted to get a woman that would make me feel young for as long as possible.



China is a much more alien country and this has its positives and negatives. Chinese culture is way more novel and interesting than russian culture, and China is definely the more developed country. On the other hand, I'd really look out of place and not be seen as part of their group even if I spoke fluent chinese, making it almost impossible to build deep friendships while there, even if I'll only stay until graduation. Still, that's four years of feeling alienated in such a different world.
I also have difficulty connecting China, its culture and its people, with what I've known so far in life and with my family. It just feels off getting a girl from a place so culturally distant than what I'm used to and all the people I know.
But China has chinese women, and asian women in general age much better. My girlfriend could be 30 and still looking 20, thus extending my ability to feel connected with youth for about a decade more than if I had a white woman.

They go from this:







To:







Also in a span of 8-10 years.

But there's a third choice. I can stay in the US, and I feel like this would give me the opportunity to be as close to my family as possible. After wasting ten years of my life, I missed my little cousins growing up, lost close family members and missed almost all the opportunities I had of experiencing life beyond my computer's screen. Now I feel an immense doubt as to whether I should even move to another city in my state, let alone to the other side of the planet, and not be there day by day with my family, for four years. But if I choose to stay, I'll probably get at best a mid-tier becky, and lose the opportunity to get a pretty girl while I'm not yet 30.

Please, offer your insights so I can make a decision. I cried for 8 days in a roll now and fear that I'll waste another year for not starting something now. Then I'll be 29 and feel no motivation anymore, since I'll be just one year from being 30.

 

[geneblackman]

Have you spent time working on hobbies or looks? Have you learned a language? Russian and Chinese women that are worth pursuing will likely not speak English. Because you've spent so much time in isolation you're going to need to develop social skills again. I recommend doing that ASAP. Being non-NT is going to destroy you and your confidence. You unironically need to gain confidence.

What are your physical features? Height, race, etc. How attractive is your face? You said you look young so that would help more in East Asia. You don't have to worry much about the Chinese cultural gap. If you meet a woman willing to date a JBW then she's likely going to be aware of differences and adjust accordingly. However, you also can't say any sperg things about Taiwan or Xi.

Unless you're decent looking, fully NT and tall with a social media presence you need to forget about the US and western Europe.

I would recommend to stop worrying about your past and start making moves. You need to take your experiences and learn from them and become hardened by them. You still have a chance to be happy.

Just remember also. Don't cry in front of women and don't open up about your past experiences to a woman. Make up lies if you have too. Say you lost your virginity in high school, that you've had 2-3 girlfriends before, whatever.

Start healing from your past troubles, learn a language or two, and get on some social media apps to practice how to have conversations again

 

[cool]

Agreed with @geneblackman start playing the game asap. If you don't you're just gonna keep wasting time and drowning in self loathing.
Accept that your brain chemistry is the way it is and do your best to max out everything.

-looksmax (hop on fin cuz u seem to put a lot of emphasis on aging)
-start learning useful skills (language, business, etc)
-build a source of income and social media presence
-move abroad (china sounds good for your goals)

Your family will want whats best for you if they love you, so don't worry about that and just focus on getting out of this depressed state.

A lot of us wasted years. The only thing that matters now is that you don’t waste another one.

 

[ExcuseMe]

Saying you have a "great fear" of turning 30, fear that young people will no longer see you as one of them, analyzing which race of women will allow you to "feel connected with youth" the longest - It's obvious that you have a serious case of age anxiety. in particular you seem to think that 30 is some kind of a hard deadline in life. it's not. when you wake up after your 30th birthday, you will realize it's just another morning, you're the exact same person, except now with a "3" in front of your age. life continues on.

It will sounds cliche, but there's really no point in beating yourself up over the past. you gain no benefit from it. you still have a lot of time left to live (statistically around 50 years on average) so you should focus on improving your future instead.

I agree with @geneblackman. if you spent years as a shut-in, and you have no romantic experience, the first order of business is to get comfortable with meeting new people. I know it can be daunting. but the more you do it, the less daunting it becomes. this is a very crucial step, because if you're too shy to go outside and meet people in the US, you will probably be too shy to go out and meet people in China or Russia as well.

 

[Lebensraum]

I want an 18 yo girl, so the expiration date for her youth would be about 7 years until she looks past 25.

This doesn't seem realistic. If you are a virgin and going for 18 yo girls, you are competing with every living male on this earth. You can't just choose most demanded product in the market with no experience. It would be nightmare permadeath difficulty.

Also, don't believe outliers in Chinese propoganda examples. Also, they all use faceapp.

 

[Messier 4]

Have you spent time working on hobbies or looks? Have you learned a language? Russian and Chinese women that are worth pursuing will likely not speak English. Because you've spent so much time in isolation you're going to need to develop social skills again. I recommend doing that ASAP. Being non-NT is going to destroy you and your confidence. You unironically need to gain confidence.

What are your physical features? Height, race, etc. How attractive is your face? You said you look young so that would help more in East Asia. You don't have to worry much about the Chinese cultural gap. If you meet a woman willing to date a JBW then she's likely going to be aware of differences and adjust accordingly. However, you also can't say any sperg things about Taiwan or Xi.

Unless you're decent looking, fully NT and tall with a social media presence you need to forget about the US and western Europe.

I would recommend to stop worrying about your past and start making moves. You need to take your experiences and learn from them and become hardened by them. You still have a chance to be happy.

Just remember also. Don't cry in front of women and don't open up about your past experiences to a woman. Make up lies if you have too. Say you lost your virginity in high school, that you've had 2-3 girlfriends before, whatever.

Start healing from your past troubles, learn a language or two, and get on some social media apps to practice how to have conversations again

"Have you spent time working on hobbies or looks? Have you learned a language? Russian and Chinese women that are worth pursuing will likely not speak English. Because you've spent so much time in isolation you're going to need to develop social skills again. I recommend doing that ASAP. Being non-NT is going to destroy you and your confidence. You unironically need to gain confidence."

Learning the language of whatever country I choose is the least of my worries. If I don't feel like a choice will fulfill the dreams in the depths of my mind, any must-do things will be impossible.

And yes, I'm a little socially awkward, but just a little. It's all psychological after all, because I know for a fact that if I'm feeling like I'm satisfied with where I am, who am I talking to, how well my family is doing, how my education is going, how good looking the girl I'm chatting with think I am etc. I will be "NT" without a problem.

"You need to take your experiences and learn from them and become hardened by them."

I have learned a lot from my lost years, but still, I feel like I know almost nothing. Like I said elsewhere, if I could choose a super power, it would be omniscience. But I don't know myself from 2030 or 2035, and how much regret I'll have for having made the wrong choices... in 2025.

"Don't cry in front of women and don't open up about your past experiences to a woman."

That was one reason why I never started anything in life. "Why bother with looking for love if women don't really care about my feelings". I've since come to accept that is all about looks, money and status, so I'll fake it if I have to to get the girl I desire, although deep down I still have this feeling of how great it would be to get a pure, lovey dovey teenage love.

 

[Messier 4]

Agreed with @geneblackman start playing the game asap. If you don't you're just gonna keep wasting time and drowning in self loathing.
Accept that your brain chemistry is the way it is and do your best to max out everything.

-looksmax (hop on fin cuz u seem to put a lot of emphasis on aging)
-start learning useful skills (language, business, etc)
-build a source of income and social media presence
-move abroad (china sounds good for your goals)

Your family will want whats best for you if they love you, so don't worry about that and just focus on getting out of this depressed state.

A lot of us wasted years. The only thing that matters now is that you don’t waste another one.

Yes, I know that no matter what, the worst choice I can make is no choice. But still, I'm feeling very anxious as I don't have much time left and I'm very afraid of ruining the rest of my poor 20s.
For example, let's say I choose China. I'll apply to a scholarship(there's only a few weeks left btw), get it, then go to college in september this year. Then when I get there, I start to think how horrible, awful, daunting, nightmarish and dreadful is to have made that choice, as I'll suddenly realize that I actually wanted a white princess all along, because of how much status she will give me, and that our kids will look like me, and I now lost a full year of college, since I'll only be able to apply again next year.
I'll fill like my mind was detached from my body.

 

[Messier 4]

Saying you have a "great fear" of turning 30, fear that young people will no longer see you as one of them, analyzing which race of women will allow you to "feel connected with youth" the longest - It's obvious that you have a serious case of age anxiety. in particular you seem to think that 30 is some kind of a hard deadline in life. it's not. when you wake up after your 30th birthday, you will realize it's just another morning, you're the exact same person, except now with a "3" in front of your age. life continues on.

It will sounds cliche, but there's really no point in beating yourself up over the past. you gain no benefit from it. you still have a lot of time left to live (statistically around 50 years on average) so you should focus on improving your future instead.

I agree with @geneblackman. if you spent years as a shut-in, and you have no romantic experience, the first order of business is to get comfortable with meeting new people. I know it can be daunting. but the more you do it, the less daunting it becomes. this is a very crucial step, because if you're too shy to go outside and meet people in the US, you will probably be too shy to go out and meet people in China or Russia as well.

"It's obvious that you have a serious case of age anxiety. in particular you seem to think that 30 is some kind of a hard deadline in life. it's not. when you wake up after your 30th birthday, you will realize it's just another morning, you're the exact same person, except now with a "3" in front of your age. life continues on."

You know that google photos notification thing that shows you "this day, eight years ago"?

I already cried so many times when I opened them and see pictures of myself, my mother, my brother and my cats, even of another house that I lived in, as I think that even if I was living in my bedroom and depressed, how much more hopeful I was for the future at that exact date, and that I still had my grandma, and my cats were just kittens and my mother even looked younger...

That younger version of myself had no idea how much bad stuff would happen in the years to follow, the many lost opportunities, how my cousins would let me down hard after being so bubbly and excited towards me at first(it was all fake) and he thought that he would actually go to japan with the monbukagakusho scholarship, when he was 19 and the age limit for application was 21...

This was in 2017, when I was dancing in my room and lip syncing to kpop songs because I actually wanted to do that at a club with other teenage friends... and thinking I had all the time in the world.

 

[Messier 4]

This doesn't seem realistic. If you are a virgin and going for 18 yo girls, you are competing with every living male on this earth. You can't just choose most demanded product in the market with no experience. It would be nightmare permadeath difficulty.

Also, don't believe outliers in Chinese propoganda examples. Also, they all use faceapp.

That's why I believe that China and Russia will actually give me a young girl, because the competition there is much smaller than in any western country. Not that I judge men by their looks, but the truth is that men in the eastern hemisphere(with the exception of australians and new zealanders) are all on average less good looking than western men.

Russia has probably the highest percentage of high-tier becky+, so women there would be less motivated to feel special if they're good looking.
In China, both chinese men and women don't look good, but I know that I would look way better than average there and be seen as a chad.

I feel very shallow writting all of this, but I believe the world is very lookistic and I'm just relating the truth. I don't treat women who are average or below average bad like most young women do, so I'm not as shallow as the average girl.

"Also, don't believe outliers in Chinese propoganda examples. Also, they all use faceapp."

That's true. I've never seen even a stacylite asian girl without makeup, but they look like teens until they hit 30. And this is why I'm so torn between getting a chinese girl or a russian girl, because on the other hand, white girls like young Nicola Peltz and Miranda Cosgrove(I know she's part mexican) look so angelic and like princesses, but those looks only last less than a decade.
Do I feel attaction to Margot Robbie at 35, or Avril Lavigne when she was 30? Yes, but much much much less than when they were in their early 20s.

 

[Lebensraum]

That's why I believe that China and Russia will actually give me a young girl, because the competition there is much smaller than in any western country.

That may be a false belief. Russia will just send you to frontlines and so might China.
Okay, assuming you go there. What's your net worth? Women there are very material.

I feel very shallow writting all of this, but I believe the world is very lookistic and I'm just relating the truth.

Less about looks and more about money in RU and CN

If you have to choose, RU makes more sense if you're white. With CN girl you'd be having mixed children and all the identity crises that stem from tham + they wouldn't really fully belong into a single culture, which is a problem if we view humanity long term.

 

[Orientalist]

For example, let's say I choose China. I'll apply to a scholarship(there's only a few weeks left btw), get it, then go to college in september this year. Then when I get there, I start to think how horrible, awful, daunting, nightmarish and dreadful is to have made that choice, as I'll suddenly realize that I actually wanted a white princess all along, because of how much status she will give me, and that our kids will look like me, and I now lost a full year of college, since I'll only be able to apply again next year.
I'll fill like my mind was detached from my body.

Honestly bro life ultimately isn’t about “learning things” and none of that shit matters unless you want it to.

 

[Messier 4]

That may be a false belief. Russia will just send you to frontlines and so might China.
Okay, assuming you go there. What's your net worth? Women there are very material.


Less about looks and more about money in RU and CN

If you have to choose, RU makes more sense if you're white. With CN girl you'd be having mixed children and all the identity crises that stem from tham + they wouldn't really fully belong into a single culture, which is a problem if we view humanity long term.

"If you have to choose, RU makes more sense if you're white. With CN girl you'd be having mixed children and all the identity crises that stem from tham + they wouldn't really fully belong into a single culture, which is a problem if we view humanity long term."

Yes, that is true. I like to think that my hapa son wouldn't care about only being attractive enough to low-tier beckies in the west, and also actually feel special for looking different than the people around him, but I don't know... most of the asian/hapa guys in the west are shut-ins and nerds.
I'll like my son no matter what he looks like, but I don't want him to end up like me.

But should I really care more about my son's future than mine? I'm the only person in this world that can be me or live me, so my dreams should come first.

Why do white women have to age so badly...

 

[Rance]

China is ideal for you but you have to love it first, or you won't have a good time. Same goes for Japan. This includes wanting the women. Can't have your feet in Asia and your heart in the West.

Before I went to Japan I had some moderate issues with social awkwardness and social anxiety. Nothing too non-NT. Kind of shit like going to the post office or making an appointment would make me anxious. Living abroad didn't only completely eliminate this, it made me into a much more confident and charming person all around. I look at other people my age and am disgusted by how awkward and unambitious most of them are in social settings, even normies.

I am confident that living abroad for at least a year will reforge your personality for the better. Your social skills are crippled by lack of exposure. It's not something you're born with unless you're autistic. I noticed my personality atrophy heavily during COVID.

FAIL FAST!!! Go SOON. You've regretted wasting time enough, don't waste any more time.

 

[Messier 4]

Honestly bro life ultimately isn’t about “learning things” and none of that shit matters unless you want it to.
View attachment 11511

As I said in my op, I was always in a loop of going back to a worldview and desires that I had left behind.

When I was obsessed with kpop, I thought that going to South Korea would be the best thing to happen to me since birth. I was so in love with those girl groups and how cute, bubbly and cool they acted, so distinct from those white girls. This phase started right after the worst depression I've had all my life, and it was truly the time I discovered asia and its women.

But then as time went one, I started to learn so much bad stuff about that country that made me completely change my opinion of living there. And guess what? I then came back to desiring white girls and started to appreciate western culture more. Two years later though, I came back to wanting to live in asia, but this time in China, as I saw it as a less plastic country compared to South Korea(and chinese women are easier too).

Whenever I finally thought that I knew what was the best for me, all it took was one comment on a forum or one youtube video to make me doubt again if I was in the right path.

The fear of missing out on something big was so horrible and dreadful, and as the years kept coming, this feeling increased exponentially.

If I thought that my future was in China and I was already studying mandarin for months, all it took was seeing a picture of a cute white girl on 4chan to ruin it all, like this one:

 

[Rance]

If I thought that my future was in China and I was already studying mandarin for months, all it took was seeing a picture of a cute white girl on 4chan to ruin it all, like this one:

View attachment 11512

I am genuinely so grateful for my early exposure to anime, JAV, and other influences that made me sexually attracted to Asian women. I do feel like past age 18-20 or so your preferences become somewhat "locked in" and it's hard to shake them.

On the other hand, if you do become set on Asia, I think you can nudge your preferences in the right direction a bit. When you lean hard into watching Asian dramas and movies, consuming content with pretty Asian women, and yes, especially watching Asian porn, you might notice that you grow to become fond of them.

There's a reason why black guys in the U.S. have such a hard on for those disgusting huge BBL asses. It's cultural, it's learned. I have some related (and controversial) thoughts related to homosexuality, like a lot of bisexuals would have been homosexuals if they weren't raised in a heteronormative society. It's all malleable.

When I was obsessed with kpop, I thought that going to South Korea would be the best thing to happen to me since birth. I was so in love with those girl groups and how cute, bubbly and cool they acted, so distinct from those white girls. This phase started right after the worst depression I've had all my life, and it was truly the time I discovered asia and its women.

Find the good aspects. There's a reason why Japanese girls are by far the most fetishized even though they look samey to Koreans and northern Chinese. The positive soft power/pop culture halo is real. Find the good aspects where others see bad, and you'll have a competitive advantage.

The fear of missing out on something big was so horrible and dreadful, and as the years kept coming, this feeling increased exponentially.

The fear of missing out is 90% of my success. I would have never gone to Japan or had all the wonderful experiences I had if it weren't for it. Feel the fear digging into you and learn to dread it, act every day to get yourself to a position where you know deep down that it's everyone else who is missing out.

 

[Orientalist]

I am genuinely so grateful for my early exposure to anime, JAV, and other influences that made me sexually attracted to Asian women. I do feel like past age 18-20 or so your preferences become somewhat "locked in" and it's hard to shake them.

I didn't even care until I got imprinted irl. DNA swappage or something.

As I said in my op, I was always in a loop of going back to a worldview and desires that I had left behind.

When I was obsessed with kpop, I thought that going to South Korea would be the best thing to happen to me since birth. I was so in love with those girl groups and how cute, bubbly and cool they acted, so distinct from those white girls. This phase started right after the worst depression I've had all my life, and it was truly the time I discovered asia and its women.

But then as time went one, I started to learn so much bad stuff about that country that made me completely change my opinion of living there. And guess what? I then came back to desiring white girls and started to appreciate western culture more. Two years later though, I came back to wanting to live in asia, but this time in China, as I saw it as a less plastic country compared to South Korea(and chinese women are easier too).

Whenever I finally thought that I knew what was the best for me, all it took was one comment on a forum or one youtube video to make me doubt again if I was in the right path.

The fear of missing out on something big was so horrible and dreadful, and as the years kept coming, this feeling increased exponentially.

If I thought that my future was in China and I was already studying mandarin for months, all it took was seeing a picture of a cute white girl on 4chan to ruin it all, like this one:

View attachment 11512

Reasonable points tbh. A suggestion: TEFL in Vietnam is always an option for people; you can work your way around needing a degree and you could even (maybe even should) book a flight legit today. It's a cool country and the baddies look just as good as Chinese girls IMO. If you're average looking you'll lose your virginity lol. And you won't have to feel like "waste a year" at a Chinese university (99.9% of them are a total meme anyways) if you regret coming to China or think it's fucked as a society. Vietnam is a much more spiritual land. If you want a degree, good, but you can do it online. Not in the slums of Russia
Maybe you can slay blond Australian backpacker stacies after you become NT again too... it's time for your training montage...

 

[Messier 4]

China is ideal for you but you have to love it first, or you won't have a good time. Same goes for Japan. This includes wanting the women. Can't have your feet in Asia and your heart in the West.

Before I went to Japan I had some moderate issues with social awkwardness and social anxiety. Nothing too non-NT. Kind of shit like going to the post office or making an appointment would make me anxious. Living abroad didn't only completely eliminate this, it made me into a much more confident and charming person all around. I look at other people my age and am disgusted by how awkward and unambitious most of them are in social settings, even normies.

I am confident that living abroad for at least a year will reforge your personality for the better. Your social skills are crippled by lack of exposure. It's not something you're born with unless you're autistic. I noticed my personality atrophy heavily during COVID.

FAIL FAST!!! Go SOON. You've regretted wasting time enough, don't waste any more time.

"China is ideal for you but you have to love it first, or you won't have a good time. Same goes for Japan. This includes wanting the women."

Why do you think China is the best? I am way more curious about walking in the streets of China and experience all this new world around me than doing that in Russia. I do find attractive women in all races, but like I said in my op, white girls were the ones that I grew up liking, not asians. I'm sure that what happens in your childhood and teenage years are more impactful to your brain than what happens in later years.

But then I've been appreciating asian girls for about eight years now, so it's nothing really too strange. Asian women just don't look as good as white girls and give less status. I want a girl that will make people respect me more because of her looks, and also make those who thought I could get nothing jealous.

 

[ExcuseMe]

The issue though is that white women age the worst. After maybe about the age of 25, they start to look masculine, wrinkled or their faces start to drop, making them look about 7-10 years older than they are.

asian women in general age much better. My girlfriend could be 30 and still looking 20, thus extending my ability to feel connected with youth for about a decade more than if I had a white woman.

I've never seen even a stacylite asian girl without makeup, but they look like teens until they hit 30. And this is why I'm so torn between getting a chinese girl or a russian girl, because on the other hand, white girls like young Nicola Peltz and Miranda Cosgrove(I know she's part mexican) look so angelic and like princesses, but those looks only last less than a decade.
Do I feel attaction to Margot Robbie at 35, or Avril Lavigne when she was 30? Yes, but much much much less than when they were in their early 20s.

Why do white women have to age so badly...

putting such a crucial importance on which race of women ages better, is not normal. it's a symptom of your own age-related neuroses. for real, this is something you have to resolve, because seems like it's really holding you back psychologically. stuff like "I'll be 29 and feel no motivation anymore, since I'll be just one year from being 30" is just sad to read.

 

[Messier 4]

I am genuinely so grateful for my early exposure to anime, JAV, and other influences that made me sexually attracted to Asian women. I do feel like past age 18-20 or so your preferences become somewhat "locked in" and it's hard to shake them.

I did grow up in a somewhat diverse place, with mostly white girls, latinas, some black women and some mixed girls, but I've only seen a handful of asians in real life, but they were all in their 40s.

I discovered asian girls at 19, so as you said, there was not much space left for them in my brain anymore, although I was infatuated with kpop idols for about a year.

On the other hand, if you do become set on Asia, I think you can nudge your preferences in the right direction a bit. When you lean hard into watching Asian dramas and movies, consuming content with pretty Asian women, and yes, especially watching Asian porn, you might notice that you grow to become fond of them.

This is so true. Whenever I was set to change my life and go to another country(or stay in the US), I somewhat consciously watched porn of women from that country, so I could get 'motivated' to go through all the obstacles and go there.

There's a reason why black guys in the U.S. have such a hard on for those disgusting huge BBL asses. It's cultural, it's learned. I have some related (and controversial) thoughts related to homosexuality, like a lot of bisexuals would have been homosexuals if they weren't raised in a heteronormative society. It's all malleable.

Yes, despite looks being mostly objective, there's a lot of cultural influences too. Some of the worshipped women in korea have westerns calling them "bland" and unsexy. I'm part of that crowd too, but I'm still more attracted to asians than the majority of white guys.

Find the good aspects. There's a reason why Japanese girls are by far the most fetishized even though they look samey to Koreans and northern Chinese. The positive soft power/pop culture halo is real. Find the good aspects where others see bad, and you'll have a competitive advantage.

When I was really into with Japan(although it was 2nd option to Korea), I was watching jpop like morning musume and babymetal, and that definetly made that country look like playtime during childhood.
Unfortunatly, I became much more skeptical about life and humans, so there's not really a "heaven on earth" place for me anymore, although I'd still like to experience a better quality of life and a different world to the usa.

The fear of missing out is 90% of my success. I would have never gone to Japan or had all the wonderful experiences I had if it weren't for it. Feel the fear digging into you and learn to dread it, act every day to get yourself to a position where you know deep down that it's everyone else who is missing out.

Yes, when I fear that I'll miss something that I want and can possibly get, I start to act. The issue is that those are short loved times in my life, like on average two months out of every year. The rest of the time was spent in limbo, and I'm still there.
I have no idea how to decide.

 

[Messier 4]

I didn't even care until I got imprinted irl. DNA swappage or something.

Reasonable points tbh. A suggestion: TEFL in Vietnam is always an option for people; you can work your way around needing a degree and you could even (maybe even should) book a flight legit today. It's a cool country and the baddies look just as good as Chinese girls IMO. If you're average looking you'll lose your virginity lol. And you won't have to feel like "waste a year" at a Chinese university (99.9% of them are a total meme anyways) if you regret coming to China or think it's fucked as a society. Vietnam is a much more spiritual land. If you want a degree, good, but you can do it online. Not in the slums of Russia
Maybe you can slay blond Australian backpacker stacies after you become NT again too... it's time for your training montage...

I've also considered Vietnam before(and the rest of SEA), and I know I'd like south east asian culture more than chinese culture(with the exception of Indonesia and the Phlippines) but one of the things I fear is to not be able to get a good job if I'm back to the US to earn enough for myself and to help out my mother, and unfortunately, a degree from a vietnamese or any other SEA country would make that desire very hard to achieve.
As you said, chinese degrees are mostly low quality, but I believe that the name "China" on a diploma will atleast carry some weight in the area I want to apply to(engineering or computer science), compared to a degree from Malasya or Thailand.

 

[Rance]

Asian women just don't look as good as white girls and give less status. I want a girl that will make people respect me more because of her looks, and also make those who thought I could get nothing jealous.

Absolutely horrible mindset. You should be very careful with this. The ideal woman is one who you lust after uncontrollably, but who others don't find as desirable. Trust me on this. I am one of the vainest guys on this site and I love it when people see me with cute girls. But for LTRs, this isn't something you want to chase, it will fuel hypergamy and cause headaches for you in LTR and marriage. That doesn't mean you have to marry an Asian girl, it just means you should consider looksmatching to some extent and get with a girl who ticks your boxes. You'll learn what "your boxes" are as you fuck more girls.

 

[Messier 4]

putting such a crucial importance on which race of women ages better, is not normal. it's a symptom of your own age-related neuroses. for real, this is something you have to resolve, because seems like it's really holding you back psychologically. stuff like "I'll be 29 and feel no motivation anymore, since I'll be just one year from being 30" is just sad to read.

I know that most 18 year olds right now have ten times more experience than me when it comes to certain things that truly mature someone, like sex, travelling and playing mental games when interacting with other people. Despite being amost 28, my mind is actually younger than theirs(and like I said, I look 18).

But it doesn't matter to them. I've had cousins become distant and colder once they finally found out my real age, as they thought I was 18 like them and didn't see me for years to remember my age. Other 18 year old girl I was chatting with online who was actually interested in me took a turn in her tone when I said "I'm 27".

Gen Z in general is very afraid of aging and want to be seen as kids, specially with the whole catch a predator hype, which is very ironic since they do pot, vape, drink and have a lot of casual sex, which are not really such innocent things.

I wish I lived in a world where being 30 didn't meant you were already past your "sublime young years", but here we are.

 

[Rance]

I know that most 18 year olds right now have ten times more experience than me when it comes to certain things that truly mature someone, like sex, travelling and playing mental games when interacting with other people. Despite being amost 28, my mind is actually younger than theirs(and like I said, I look 18).

But it doesn't matter to them. I've had cousins become distant and colder once they finally found out my real age, as they thought I was 18 like them and didn't see me for years to remember my age. Other 18 year old girl I was chatting with online who was actually interested in me took a turn in her tone when I said "I'm 27".

Gen Z in general is very afraid of aging and want to be seen as kids, specially with the whole catch a predator hype, which is very ironic since they do pot, vape, drink and have a lot of casual sex, which are not really such innocent things.

I wish I lived in a world where being 30 didn't meant you were already past your "sublime young years", but here we are.

All of this shit is Western zoomer brainrot and doesn't exist in Asia. Might also be less of it in Russia. One of the primary benefits of geomaxxing for many people is to get away from the corrupted mindset regarding dating brought on by Western lines of thinking, which were especially fueled by the internet. Of course, 18 year olds will prefer to date around their own age but it's due to a natural desire to be agematched.

In general you should have no problem fucking 18 year olds. It's dating them long term that gives them cold feet.

 

[Yuezhi]

A lot of guys gave you some pretty good advice given here @Messier 4.

I dont have a whole lot to add other than I empathize and am of a similiar age and recently in a slightly similiar situation to you in that im trying to choose which of the same 2 countries to live in and potentially find a wife in longer term and also made a thread about finding my preferred type in Russia even though I also want to go to China.

Realistically since you presumably dont have a degree yet as I'd reccomend you look into teaching as an alternative option with something like the Moreland program, China is probably the better option for you just due to the higher population and easiness you will face if you are a virgin. Girls in their early 20s don't look that different from 18 to 19 year olds there. A Chinese degree from a university might also command more respect than from Russia due to the current geopolitical situation. In all honestly though, the future tech and engineering job market looks grim so you may want to consider studying something else.

With aging, until better life extension methods are invented, the only thing you can do is slow down signs of it by wearing a strong mineral sunscreen, having good skincare with things like mixed molecular weight hyaluronic acid(there are threads on this here) and eating a healthy diet and exercising. You said you look a lot younger than your age so you are already ahead in that regard. Also you can always have a girl adopt a similiar anti aging lifestyle so that she doesn't turn into a babushka as fast.

As @Rance says don't worry about what younger Americans think for the most part, a lot of younger gen z here has a very narrow and anti-male worldview.
Anyways you are trying to go for girls in Russia or China so you should be more concerned about what they think.

 

[kamster]

@Messier 4
you can read my posts 2 years ago, i was virgin at late 20's to, i was too afraid of wahmen to even text with them on tinder
cant believe how much i changed mentally in last 2 years when im traveling through asia

and its not even about traveling because i visited every european country in my early 20s. its all about feeling like a human, thing i can't achieve in the west. you need some positive reinforcement over time and SEA offers that

 

[geneblackman]

much status she will give me

Women don't offer status via their race. It comes from their looks. If you're walking arm in arm with a 7/10 Chinese girl you will get more status from her than from a 5/10 blonde with blue eyes. The only ones who claim otherwise are white women and their dogs

You're fixating on fantasies that don't apply to the real world. Get drunk or high, sit alone in your room for a few hours, and think about what you really want.

 

[Lebensraum]

Yes, that is true. I like to think that my hapa son wouldn't care about only being attractive enough to low-tier beckies in the west

This is the least issue I think.

Look, as a white dude you have options to have a child with a white woman of your ethnicity and thus contributing to diversity of human genome OR you can procreate with an asian and create mixed offspring.

Scenario A): You mate with person of your own ethnicity / race:
- You solidify ethnic diversity by maintaining unique physical characteristics and not letting them be diluted
- You avoid diluting the Asian race by having mixed spawn
- White race maintains its uniqueness over time
- You avoid diluting the asiatic race with white DNA, thus maintaining their uniqueness as well
- Cultural differences strengthened, human diversity strengthened
- Long term beneficial to interesting factor of humanity (it would be boring if everyone is the same 1000 years down the line)
- Your offspring will have clear ethnic and cultural belonging which means they can continue tradition of breeding within their own race, thus strengthening the cultural diversity. No confusion.

Scenario B): Literally the opposite
- By whites breeding asians and vice versa both cultures lose ethnic diversity. The woman you bred with could have had a 100% asian baby with an asian man, but now you create hapa offspring that doesn't fully belong in any culture.
- You've essentially contributed to destruction of cultural diversity.

 

[ExcuseMe]

Look, as a white dude you have options to have a child with a white woman of your ethnicity and thus contributing to diversity of human genome OR you can procreate with an asian and create mixed offspring.

imagine coming on a forum about inter-ethnic dating to campaign against racemixing. JFL

 

[Lebensraum]

imagine coming on a forum about inter-ethnic dating to campaign against racemixing. JFL

Yes, I imagined that.
How is anything wrong in what I said? Reasoning from fundamental principles.

 

[ExcuseMe]

How is anything wrong in what I said? Reasoning from fundamental principles.

you reasoned from the principle that racial purity ("avoid diluting the race", "maintaining uniqueness" etc.) is a value in itself
if someone doesn't put value on racial purity, then your argument has nothing to stand on

 

[Messier 4]

It's dating them long term that gives them cold feet.

In Russia and China too?

 

[Messier 4]

I dont have a whole lot to add other than I empathize and am of a similiar age and recently in a slightly similiar situation to you in that im trying to choose which of the same 2 countries to live in and potentially find a wife in longer term and also made a thread about finding my preferred type in Russia even though I also want to go to China.

Wow, so you're also divided between China and Russia? I'll try to find your thread.

Girls in their early 20s don't look that different from 18 to 19 year olds there.

Yes, but mentally they're different. I still want that fresh minded teenage girl that I wish I've had when I was 14-19. My life stopped at the end of high school, where even though I didn't date there or were extroverted, I still were so much more hopeful for the future. Getting a teenage girl would make me feel connected with teenage version of me again.

When I listen to a song I like from the late 00s and early 10s, I get this melancholic nostalgia because I remember how I lost the opportunity of getting a girl back then, and hang out with her at parks, go to the cinema, take pictures together and post them on facebook...

But either way, are you implying that 18 yo chinese girl won't want to date a guy ten years older? It's clear to me that they prefer chinese guys that look young like kpop idols or cdrama actors, but do they still have a stigma against a ten year age gap, regardless of how young the guy looks?

And btw guys, I'm not really bragging here about looking younger than my age. I have a mental chain that is unbreakable and keeps me wanting to get a teen girl and not be judged by the "cool young kids" and to compensate for my 'lost decade'.

As @Rance says don't worry about what younger Americans think for the most part, a lot of younger gen z here has a very narrow and anti-male worldview.
Anyways you are trying to go for girls in Russia or China so you should be more concerned about what they think.

But there's another problem. I'll probably want to come back to the usa after college(if I make the choice to go overseas) so I'll still be potentially judged by them, even if it's four years from now.
I don't wanna be 40, but look 30, and be seen as a lesser human than the <25 crowd, and I feel I can avoid some of that judgement if my wife will be 30 and looking 20.

Why don't I stay in China or Russia then? For Russia, the reasons are that I hate cloudy weather and don't want to compromise on the superior american quality of life forever. As for China? I don't want to work from 9am to 7pm and only have like 10 days of paid time off. How could I go back to see my family for only 10 measly days a year? I also don't know if want to always be seen as an outsider even if I'll have a chinese family and speak fluent mandarin.
Above all, I'll probably not have peace of mind if I'm not close to my mother and some other family members.

 

[Messier 4]

@Messier 4
you can read my posts 2 years ago, i was virgin at late 20's to, i was too afraid of wahmen to even text with them on tinder
cant believe how much i changed mentally in last 2 years when im traveling through asia

and its not even about traveling because i visited every european country in my early 20s. its all about feeling like a human, thing i can't achieve in the west. you need some positive reinforcement over time and SEA offers that

That is also one reason why despite not knowing if I'll like to have a hapa son, or that I'll make no true friends there, or that getting an asian woman wouldn't satisfy the dream I had since I was a child, China carries a lot of weight, because it atleast would give me, as you said, a lot of positive reinforcement and make me feel valuable, which is something I know will be lesser in Russia as the competition will be higher.
They say you shouldn't go for the easy route because it will be less rewarding, but I don't know...

 

[Messier 4]

Women don't offer status via their race. It comes from their looks. If you're walking arm in arm with a 7/10 Chinese girl you will get more status from her than from a 5/10 blonde with blue eyes. The only ones who claim otherwise are white women and their dogs

You're fixating on fantasies that don't apply to the real world. Get drunk or high, sit alone in your room for a few hours, and think about what you really want.

I was in doubt as to whether race is more powerful than looks for status, but then I realized that even if the 5/10 blonde blue eyed girl is 'objectively' less attractive, technically she isn't.

In almost every country on the planet the white phenotype will give points automatically and surpress other things like proportion of facial features, up to a certain extent.

If we judge "objectivelly", this asian girl:



Is significantly more attractive than this manly looking german girl:



But I bet everything I have that the white girl will be 5x more desirable across all races in all countries and among all age groups. Only weebs would prefer the asian girl.

So whiteness itself is status.

 

[Lebensraum]

you reasoned from the principle that racial purity ("avoid diluting the race", "maintaining uniqueness" etc.) is a value in itself
if someone doesn't put value on racial purity, then your argument has nothing to stand on

Not having such values is nihilistic.

 

[Lebensraum]

I was in doubt as to whether race is more powerful than looks for status, but then I realized that even if the 5/10 blonde blue eyed girl is 'objectively' less attractive, technically she isn't.

In almost every country on the planet the white phenotype will give points automatically and surpress other things like proportion of facial features, up to a certain extent.

If we judge "objectivelly", this asian girl:

View attachment 11519

Is significantly more attractive than this mainly looking german girl:

View attachment 11521

But I bet everything I have that the white girl will be 5x more desirable across all races in all countries and among all age groups. Only weebs would prefer the asian girl.

So whiteness itself is status.

White girl is more attractive imo. I don't see anything "manly". Sharp and strong facial features are attractive as they signal strong genes, survival, etc... Hunter pheno is always more attractive than prey pheno. Hunters are optimized for survival. Asians generally have "prey" phenotype.

 

[Messier 4]

This is the least issue I think.

Look, as a white dude you have options to have a child with a white woman of your ethnicity and thus contributing to diversity of human genome OR you can procreate with an asian and create mixed offspring.

Scenario A): You mate with person of your own ethnicity / race:
- You solidify ethnic diversity by maintaining unique physical characteristics and not letting them be diluted
- You avoid diluting the Asian race by having mixed spawn
- White race maintains its uniqueness over time
- You avoid diluting the asiatic race with white DNA, thus maintaining their uniqueness as well
- Cultural differences strengthened, human diversity strengthened
- Long term beneficial to interesting factor of humanity (it would be boring if everyone is the same 1000 years down the line)
- Your offspring will have clear ethnic and cultural belonging which means they can continue tradition of breeding within their own race, thus strengthening the cultural diversity. No confusion.

Scenario B): Literally the opposite
- By whites breeding asians and vice versa both cultures lose ethnic diversity. The woman you bred with could have had a 100% asian baby with an asian man, but now you create hapa offspring that doesn't fully belong in any culture.
- You've essentially contributed to destruction of cultural diversity.

I'm not racist, but I do agree that people will feel more at home if they're among those that look like them. I judge people by their character, but I know many people don't, so I fear that I'd have a depressed hapa son, even if I teach him not to care about judgement, which would be ironic coming from me...

 

[Messier 4]

White girl is more attractive imo. I don't see anything "manly". Sharp and strong facial features are attractive as they signal strong genes, survival, etc... Hunter pheno is always more attractive than prey pheno. Hunters are optimized for survival. Asians generally have "prey" phenotype.

Well, she was 14-15 in that picture. Here is she now at my age of 27:



So she had way more status than the asian girl, but than her white german aging genes hit her strongly.

 

[Messier 4]

Absolutely horrible mindset. You should be very careful with this. The ideal woman is one who you lust after uncontrollably, but who others don't find as desirable. Trust me on this. I am one of the vainest guys on this site and I love it when people see me with cute girls. But for LTRs, this isn't something you want to chase, it will fuel hypergamy and cause headaches for you in LTR and marriage. That doesn't mean you have to marry an Asian girl, it just means you should consider looksmatching to some extent and get with a girl who ticks your boxes. You'll learn what "your boxes" are as you fuck more girls.

That's why Russia and China are my choices for getting a girl, because even if all modern women are hypergamous, how much that would affect me will vary by country, and in both of these places women can't be as picky as american women.

I don't need this:



But this:

 

[levotiroxin]

If you are 28 and virgin , you will marry the first thing that says "Hi" to you and that will be your ruin

 

[Messier 4]

If you are 28 and virgin , you will marry the first thing that says "Hi" to you and that will be your ruin

I'll try not to though

 

[Lebensraum]

Well, she was 14-15 in that picture. Here is she now at my age of 27:

View attachment 11524

So she had way more status than the asian girl, but than her white german aging genes hit her strongly.

She looks hot. Wide smile, strong facial features, symmetric, perfect teeth. She'd bear healthy children.

 

[Lebensraum]

That's why Russia and China are my choices for getting a girl, because even if all modern women are hypergamous, how much that would affect me will vary by country, and in both of these places women can't be as picky as american women.

I don't need this:

View attachment 11525

But this:

View attachment 11526

The paradox is the latter girl gets approached MORE by thirsty men thinking she's more realistic target, since she's not as hot. This is the exact reason I will always approach the hottest woman in the room.

 

[Yuezhi]

Wow, so you're also divided between China and Russia? I'll try to find your thread.

Yes, but mentally they're different. I still want that fresh minded teenage girl that I wish I've had when I was 14-19. My life stopped at the end of high school, where even though I didn't date there or were extroverted, I still were so much more hopeful for the future. Getting a teenage girl would make me feel connected with teenage version of me again.

Late 20s is objectively not that old. I'd reccomend you adjust to the idea of dating a girl in her 20s as I think it will be more difficult to date a girl in her teens even in China as like other guys like @ExcuseMe have already said, that 18-19 yos will have more competition.

Personally i really don't think any guy should be planning on living long term in any of the anglosphere countries if they have the means not to. I think increasingly that countries like the US offer less and less benefits quality of life wise to the avg white guy over sone of these other places. At this point it's arguably only salary and even that's slowly diminishing for new grads or guys with no work experience as it's getting increasingly more difficult to get an entry level white collar job or other type of high paying job and climb the corporate ladder.

There is also a decent chance that if you marry and bring a girl over from those countries that she will become westernized and eventually divorce rape you. Of course that can be tough if you have family that you think you will need to take care of. I don't really have a good solution for this and it's a tough spot to be in. Additionally it's easier said than done without a viable career that would let you do this.

The solution I found with my circumstances is intl subject teaching but you need to have a degree and license for that and even better a masters degree which I'm in the process of getting.

If you're interested in doing this you could get an education masters after your initial degree when coming back to the US and I believe there are some online programs but they will still require an in person student teaching component. However I'm not sure if a foreign bachelor's degrees credits would be accepted as a requirement for getting licensed in certain subjects although there may be some states that are more lenient where you could initially get licensed. Stem subjects are in the most demand so getting a degree in one of those subjects would be ideal if you want to pursue that. I'm also not sure how some schools would perceive a bachelor's degree from Russia or China if you are applying to teach in those countries even with the masters so you might want to double check that.

Anyways if its viable for you, you will get time off in the summers and have other holidays with many schools that would allow you take longer trips back home to see your family. Of course this would be a big time investment and you should make sure you like the idea of teaching at least a little bit. This path might also let you work in Russia but it'll depend on how desperate schools are by then as usually outside of China and a few other places, many schools will want you to have 2 yoe teaching which is sometimes a provincial requirement.

Otherwise try to find some other career path that will let you move around the globe a bit although they are increasingly hard to find and get outside of starting a business.