Sad Is this what my life is destined to be like? (1 Viewer)

[Sneep]

Is my life destined to be this bipolar hell? Having these mini-episodes of hypomanic behavior where I act like I'm a god, I'm euphoric, and I'm very irritable and agitated.

Followed by a stretch of deep despair and depression, where I wish I had never been born, and I can barely find the motivation to take a shower. Coupled with crippling anxiety.

That feeling... oh, how much I despise that feeling. Even the thought of it sends me into a tizzy. That tickling pit in my stomach that won't go away, the racing heartbeat, feeling like a prisoner in my own body.

I stopped taking my antipsychotic medication because I think it was worsening my depression, but after only several days, tonight I was pacing my room with a (butter) knife in my hand, simulating cutting myself while having this intense euphoric, energetic feeling like I am a god.

I've done what I believe is the responsible thing and took the medication. It's not worth the risk of escalating further and potentially doing some really insane and/or dangerous stuff that could land me in serious trouble, like the mental hospital or prison.

I can't go back to the mental hospital. It's one of the hells on earth. I remember meeting guys who were in prison before in the mental hospital, and they said prison is better than the mental hospital.

I'm really starting to feel the drug kick in. Is this it? Is this how I'll have to live? My NP did discuss the potential of adding an antidepressant to the mix. Maybe with the right cocktail, things will be okay.

Let this be a warning to you all: take care of your mental health before it's too late.

 

[geneblackman]

Let this be a warning to you all: take care of your mental health before it's too late.

my mental health was destroyed as soon as i was conceived

 

[Sneep]

my mental health was destroyed as soon as i was conceived

Brutal but black-pilling truth. I have a deterministic view of human behavior, and I think a lot of mental health/personality traits are genetic.
In a way, it's depressing but also cathartic.

 

[Exutoire]

Is my life destined to be this bipolar hell? Having these mini-episodes of hypomanic behavior where I act like I'm a god, I'm euphoric, and I'm very irritable and agitated.

Followed by a stretch of deep despair and depression, where I wish I had never been born, and I can barely find the motivation to take a shower. Coupled with crippling anxiety.

That feeling... oh, how much I despise that feeling. Even the thought of it sends me into a tizzy. That tickling pit in my stomach that won't go away, the racing heartbeat, feeling like a prisoner in my own body.

I stopped taking my antipsychotic medication because I think it was worsening my depression, but after only several days, tonight I was pacing my room with a (butter) knife in my hand, simulating cutting myself while having this intense euphoric, energetic feeling like I am a god.

I've done what I believe is the responsible thing and took the medication. It's not worth the risk of escalating further and potentially doing some really insane and/or dangerous stuff that could land me in serious trouble, like the mental hospital or prison.

I can't go back to the mental hospital. It's one of the hells on earth. I remember meeting guys who were in prison before in the mental hospital, and they said prison is better than the mental hospital.

I'm really starting to feel the drug kick in. Is this it? Is this how I'll have to live? My NP did discuss the potential of adding an antidepressant to the mix. Maybe with the right cocktail, things will be okay.

Let this be a warning to you all: take care of your mental health before it's too late.

Sorry to hear that. Do you have any idea where your mental health problems come from ? Or was it just unlucky genetics ?

 

[AlexanderAcolyte]

lobotomy

 

[Sneep]

Sorry to hear that. Do you have any idea where your mental health problems come from ? Or was it just unlucky genetics ?

Thanks for the kind sentiment.
Probably a mix of my upbringing and genetics. I'm an only child and a (maternal) grandchild, so I've spent a lot of my life alone. I wonder how much that has impacted me, but both of my parents are pretty neurotic and even my grandparents, so I'm guessing it's largely genetic as well.