A first-timer's guide to Tijuana

[Mr.FailedChad]

So, you want to get some pussy in Tijuas? Well, take it from this washed-up former monger. I'm going to go step-by-step so I suggest you get out Google Maps and follow along.

Getting across the border:
Before you can start laying massive pipe on hotties in "La Zona," first you got to get there. Your first destination is San Ysidro, California. Now, while you can get there using the trolley (it's the blue line), if you've got a car it's just better to drive down. Take the 5 South until you get to Exit 2 then make a left on Camino de la Plaza. This will take you past Las Américas (the giant mall) and to an area with a ton of parking. They're all good, but I personally recommend "Border Parking" which is located right across from "the Bridge." You'll know you're in the right place if you see a lot of Mexican families walking back toward the border with electronics, clothes and bedding that they bought in San Ysidro.

Now all you have to do is cross the bridge, walk toward the border, show the lady your passport, and boom! Now you're in Mexico.

Getting to "La Zona"
If you're looking for "boom-boom, sucky-fucky," then you're looking for La Zona Norte. You can walk there, but it's easier to just take a taxi. When you cross the border you will be led down a path which dumps you off at Avenida Frontera. There will be at all hours of the day a row of taxis with a man at the front directing passengers into them. Do not cut the line! Just go up to the nice man directing the taxis and, without even having to say anything to him, he will direct you to one. If you are gringo and male the taxi driver will probably already know where you want to go, but you can tell him "Zona Norte" or "Hong Kong." You won't pay him until you get there and he probably won't name for you a price (the taxi drivers know that gringos don't know how valuable their own money is), but give him $5 for the ride plus a tip.

Now for the good part . . .
You've made it. You can hear the beat emanating from the clubs, the large neon sign above Hong Kong shows scantily-clad women, there's a band playing live music right on the street, and the scent of tacos de adobada fills the air. Briefly you are stunned, only to quickly gain your resolve when you see a beautiful woman, wrapped in a red robe, briefly emerge from Hong Kong, leading a guy by the hand into the Hotel Cascadas. You remember what you came for.

 

[Mr.FailedChad]

There are plenty of good clubs in Tijuana, but I’m going to just go over the big ones since, as a first-timer, that’s what you’re going to be interested in.

Hong Kong: Obviously this is the most famous one and it’s also the one that caters the most to the gringos. They play a lot of rap and hip-hop and all of the waiters (and plenty of the girls) speak English. By far, these are some of the most attractive women you will ever see in your life and they go from stick-thin to juicy-thick.​

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When you enter the club, one of the waiters will lead you to a seat, which on a busy Friday or Saturday night, could mean that he’s taking you up to the second or third floor. As you go up, make sure to admire the girls on the elevated stages and the girls waiting around by the staircase. Once you get to your seat, he’s going to offer to get you a beer and ask you if you want him to bring you a "chica."​

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The waiter will bring a girl to you. If you don’t like her, you can always reject her and ask for another, but I’ve never done that. I’ve seen girls that weren’t my type, but I’ve never seen a woman that wasn’t gorgeous. Girls get touchy, fast! She’s going to cuddle up next to you, sit in your lap, and start dancing. Obviously, don't be a creep but this is Hong Kong so everything is full-touch.​

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Now, knowing some Spanish might help you at this point, because when you talk to the girls you quickly find out that most of them are absolute sweethearts. Sooner or later she’s going to ask you “¿quieres subir?” Yes! The answer to that question is yes. At that point, you pay off your remaining drinks to the waiter, she gets one of those pretty, red Hong Kong robes, leads you up to the hotel, and then the magic happens.​

 

[Mr.FailedChad]

Adelitas: Back in the day, this one was my personal favorite. The drill is basically the same as Hong Kong. The waiter takes you to a seat and brings a girl to you. The difference is that this place is much more intimate and relaxed. It's only one story with some cool Mexican Revolution décor. The clientele is also much more international with about 50% Mexicans and 50% gringos. They mostly play cumbias. The girls here are just as hot as those in Hong Kong, but they do tend to lean a little thicker so if you're looking for a girl with the body of a twig, I'd recommend the other place.​

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Bar Tropical: The Bar Tropical is actually owned by the same people who own Hong Kong, but it caters to a much more Mexican crowd. It's a cumbia bar just like Adelitas, but not a lot of gringos go here. It's good, but if you're English-only, you'll find very few girls to chat with. I like it and if you're looking for a place to stay in the Zona that's also a little bit quieter, the attached hotel is quite nice.​

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Chicago: I've only been to the Chicago bar once. I know a lot of the real OG's really like it, but I just get the feeling that it's past-its-prime. Also, I just don't like the 1920s Al Capone motif.​

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There are some other bars in the area, but as a first-timer, these are the ones that you're probably going to be going to. Next, let's talk about las paraditas.

 

[Mr.FailedChad]

So, you've had some fun at the clubs. You've gotten your balls drained once or twice or ten times already and your wallet is starting to feel a little light but you don't leave for another day and you want to go have some more fun. Then the place for you is the Callejón Coahuila right behind Hong Kong and Adelitas.

On a busy night, this alley is absolutely lined with girls in short skirts, carrying little purses, whispering "ch, ch, ch, ch . . ," and reaching out at the lonely guys walking by. As a first-timer, you might feel a little intimidated going up to one of the street girls, but don't. Every one of these girls has a hotel they work out of. You just ask her "¿Quieres ir al hotel?" and she'll take you to it. Alternatively, if you have a room in one of the hotels run by one of the bars (Cascadas, Coahuila, or Rizo de Oro), most girls will be willing to go there too. Now, here's the main difference between street girls and girls at the bars. The bar girl price is all-inclusive, while the street girl price is the base price. That street girl might tell you that it's $25 for thirty minutes, but she's going to charge extra to take her clothes off or for any other extras. That said, you can have a lot of fun with street girls.

 

[Mr.FailedChad]

This post is getting a bit long, so I'm going to wrap it up here. While I think the users of this site are most interested in the Zona Norte and the fun that can be had there, I would like to mention that there are actually plenty of fun things to do in and around Tijuana.

You owe it to yourself to go to the Plaza Santa Cecilia and listen to the live mariachi music while admiring The Arch. You should take time to walk up and down the Avenida Revolución and sneak into the little alleyways with the little bookstores and souvenir shops. Visit the Hotel Ceasar (Yes, this is where the caesar salad was invented). Admire the Walk of Fame in front of the Jai-Alai. The Museo de las Américas and the IMAX theater down in the Zona Río are also very nice. And finally, if you want to go to the beach, make sure you get yourself to either Playas de Tijuana or Rosarito.

Getting back to San Ysidro:
This is the only part that I guarantee you is going to suck. There used to be two lines to get into the USA. However, ever since Covid the new line has been shut down, so we're left with only one. It used to take only about 20 minutes to get back into Gringoland, but now it takes about 2-3 hours depending on the time of day. That said, there will be people selling stuff all along the way so that should help keep you entertained. Most people just start playing games on their phones.

 

[fjor2096]

what's the best one for all the white passing / mixed latina baddies @Mr.FailedChad

 

[Bestimmung]

Damn, sounds amazing

 

[latincell95]

what's the best one for all the white passing / mixed latina baddies @Mr.FailedChad

You’ll probably wanna go somewhere like Tamaulipas or avoid Mexico/Central América and go further south (Argentina, Uruguay, Chile).

 

[Deleted member 40]

You’ll probably wanna go somewhere like Tamaulipas or avoid Mexico/Central América and go further south (Argentina, Uruguay, Chile).

argentina is hard mode...you can forget jbw