Sad Am I becoming more emotionally mature or am I just numb?

[Sneep]

I can't tell if I'm becoming more emotionally mature or just becoming numb to the pain in my life. When I listen to songs I used to cry to, I hardly feel anything. When I think about being forever alone and never having my oneitis it doesn't hurt me as much as it did before. My failed relationship has caused me so much emotional pain overall though. Probably one of the biggest persistent themes contributing to my bouts of and battles with depression.

There's some stuff about my life I can't share on public forums but it really feels like my life is a trainwreck. I was going to say my life is falling apart but it has been for a while now, I guess I should focus on what's going right and what I have to be grateful for but I become overwhelmed and stressed and it's hard. Maybe I'll start journaling and write and autobiography starting soon so I can look back and analyze it in the future.

I got incredibly sick in late September and lasted into the 10 days or so of October. And as (some of) you guys know I have a porn addiction, I think I use it cope with my pain and stress. I failed No Nut November on November 7th, I was at day 8 of Nofap cause I started on October 31st, this kind of shattered my self esteem and lot's of other very stressful stuff has been happening to me this month. It's harder too because I can't even follow my passion of making YouTube/BitChute/online videos right now. I'm thinking about going back to studying stoicism to find a way out of this situation.

Overall, I just feel worn out and I'm hoping for improvement soon, I guess I just really need to step up and move harder if I want to see any real change or progress.
It sucks because Spring of 2024 was the best I felt since late 2022. Hopefully 2025 will be good to me.

Also this relates to Geomaxxing because one day I may move to leave behind the dark memories of my past left in certain places.

What do you guys think? Am I more emotionally mature or just numb because of mental illness/stress/shit life syndrome.

 

[Rance]

Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes. Geomaxxing is the ultimate form of this but of course that's easier said than done. Anything you can do to change your environment will help. Take a different route to work, or work in a different area of your house. Change your homepage and consume different content for a bit. Force yourself to watch a different genre of porn. Sleep on the couch instead of in your bed for a night or two. All of this sounds crazy but when added up the little shifts in your life can give you a breath of fresh thought and get you out of a monotonous mind hole.

It is a big task but if you are able to move out of your home to somewhere new, even 20 minutes away, it can make a whole lot of difference. It's also important to be somewhere you can see fresh faces on the regular. Human interaction and friendships are necessary for sanity.

Hard work and "stepping up" is overrated. The most important thing is to find what inspires and drives you to action (even if it's something as simple as women), and consume content that gives you a fear of missing out on that. The motivation will follow.

As for declining sensitivity to emotions, I think this is normal to an extent. When I was a teenager I was sensitive and would be emotionally moved, both positively and negatively, by the simplest things. Slowly, I've become more "numb" and now very few things either excite me or upset me. Last week I dropped an expensive glass bowl on the ground which shattered into a million pieces and I remember just thinking "huh... that was kind of cool".

Obviously I know nothing about your actual situation which makes this advice overgeneralized.

 

[Sneep]

Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes. Geomaxxing is the ultimate form of this but of course that's easier said than done. Anything you can do to change your environment will help. Take a different route to work, or work in a different area of your house. Change your homepage and consume different content for a bit. Force yourself to watch a different genre of porn. Sleep on the couch instead of in your bed for a night or two. All of this sounds crazy but when added up the little shifts in your life can give you a breath of fresh thought and get you out of a monotonous mind hole.

It is a big task but if you are able to move out of your home to somewhere new, even 20 minutes away, it can make a whole lot of difference. It's also important to be somewhere you can see fresh faces on the regular. Human interaction and friendships are necessary for sanity.

Hard work and "stepping up" is overrated. The most important thing is to find what inspires and drives you to action (even if it's something as simple as women), and consume content that gives you a fear of missing out on that. The motivation will follow.

As for declining sensitivity to emotions, I think this is normal to an extent. When I was a teenager I was sensitive and would be emotionally moved, both positively and negatively, by the simplest things. Slowly, I've become more "numb" and now very few things either excite me or upset me. Last week I dropped an expensive glass bowl on the ground which shattered into a million pieces and I remember just thinking "huh... that was kind of cool".

Obviously I know nothing about your actual situation which makes this advice overgeneralized.

Thanks for the advice. I can't move out anytime soon but maybe in the next few years. Also I have been sleeping on the couch kind of due to stress, lol. It has been nice for a change though and I haven't felt the need to sleep as much.

Glad to know it could just be a consequence of age and not my mental health being absolutely crap. I have noticed that changing up routine has been really beneficial for my happiness in the past so I can attest to this working, at least in some capacity.

 

[blatonslatt]

Numb. You’ve been hurt by society too much!

 

[KingWigga]

If you’re in the west its the locations fault. This place is disgusting. Also if you wanna lower libido run a calorie deficit.

 

[grnatma]

Alcohol makes me cry everytime but otherwise I'm a boring piece of shit with an empty head. It takes different types of drugs to pull regular human emotions out of me. I think I'm neurotypical but aspergers runs in my family.

Your shit environment is what has caused this emotional turmoil.

 

[Acion]

Stoicism won't help you